Oh, Axl, you’re such a poet.

Burnout Paradise has proven me wrong and is totally fantastic. Almost all the misgivings I had about the demo are still valid, but the core design and philosophy behind the final product is so focused and perfect that they don’t matter. You can’t pick events from a menu, but that’s okay because the city is small enough that it’s not too difficult to get around, and interesting enough that you want to explore it between events. This also helps you learn your way around the city.

It’s also a new standard for online integration, as well as the perfect system for online in an open world title. I’m going to be disappoint when GTA IV doesn’t work like this. You can invite a friend or be invited from an easy-to-use D-pad menu, and then the world you are in becomes the online world seamlessly. The host can then decide to make a race event and can set the start and end points anywhere on the map. There’s also challenges, which are just little goals like “boost 400 yards on this street” or “do three barrel rolls on that jump” but when four or five people are all trying to do that, hilarious things occur. This also forces you to learn the nooks and crannies of the city. The design is all-encompassing in its scope, and it’s far more than the sum of its parts. It actually feels astonishingly new – the series has totally reinvented itself for the second time. That said, it’s not perfect. The crash mode replacement sucks really bad and the soundtrack thankfully allows you to toggle off individual tracks. Still, it’s great.

Other than that, I got alien laid in Mass Effect. It’s starting to wear thin; I’m glad I’m near the endgame. I also played Pokemon Pearl a bit on a car trip.

Thanks to the end of semester rush combined with wanting to go to Festival, I haven’t quite gotten through the end of the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. However, I’ve still played through what I’d estimate is about 80 percent of it, and I can tell you: It’s awesome.

First, though, I need to plug what sounds like it’ll be a cool exhibition relating to video games, iDiDx (International Digital In-Development Expo). It’ll apparently allow students to showcase any kind of game (and other digital media) they are currently working on. Also, there’s a Halo 2 tourney at CyborLAN that will coincide with the expo; feel free to show up and beat me. More info at www.ididx.com.

Anyway, Twilight Princess. This is one of the more complete single-player experiences to come out of the industry in some time. Not many games can really get the epic feel right and still be as long as this title. I’ve played for about 40 hours, and am nearly finished (I think) but haven’t really dabbled in any of the side quests.

However, it should be noted that Twilight Princess is rather derivative of older Zelda titles, but also isn’t merely a shiny-graphics version of Ocarina of Time. There are a lot more new items, as well as significant changes in tone and plot and additions like horseback combat. However, if older Zelda titles weren’t your thing (heresy!), this one isn’t going to change your mind.

This is the part where I talk about Wii controls. The rest of the column applies to the Gamecube version as well. Swinging the remote swings the sword, pointing aims things like the bow and hookshot. Directions on the D-pad serve as shortcuts to items. It all works really fluidly.

The controls do have small problems, though. The sword swinging is far from direct motion mapping. Pretty much any motion becomes a sword swing, and directions don’t even come through on-screen. This is particularly annoying in the otherwise-amazing horse combat sequences.

The Wii controls, though not completely perfect, are definitely proof that the Wii remote and nunchuck are up to snuff for more than silly party games; it can be perfectly suitable for big, epic single player games. (A side note: The separate nature of the two sides of the controller really lends Wii games like this to an extremely lazy game-playing position, as you can have both of your hands lazily at your side, raising an arm occasionally to aim an arrow. It’s sublime and I wouldn’t be surprised if game controllers in future generations can be separated in this fashion, motion controls or not.)

The game itself is a much more plot-heavy Zelda game than titles past. The world is also massive. Fortunately, this massive world does not contain Tingle in a realistic art style. I don’t have the space to go into it heavily, nor would I want to spoil it, but I have about three gripes. One: It starts off rather slow, and it takes a while to get into some real action. Two: There’s no voice acting. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Three: I can’t really think of anything to go here. One good thing of note is that the game doesn’t coddle you like many recent titles developed by Nintendo. Hints are not forcibly dispatched.

If, for some reason, you have avoided buying the Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess in the months between its release and this column, go now. The only reason I wasn’t able to give it a look here in the past is that I haven’t finished it, in part because of its impressive length, but also because I just don’t want it to end. That is the sign of a good game.

One DS game I’ve been kicking around for a while, in one form or another, is Elite Beat Agents, an Americanized sequel to Japanese developer iNiS’s (Guitaroo Man) rhythm game hit, Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan. I had actually originally played an imported copy of the original game, but I wasn’t going to review an obscure Japanese title and say “Hey guys this is awesome too bad it’d be really expensive to buy it and also you can’t really understand it.” Because I had played the Japanese game, I took my time getting around to playing the American version, released last fall, and, well, it’s still really awesome.

Elite Beat Agents is a rhythm game where players have to poke and drag various points on the DS’s touch screen in time with music. The core gameplay works fantastically, but what really pushes the game over the edge from good to great is the presentation. Each song has a comic panel-based story to go along with it, and the player’s performance in the song affects the outcome of the story. Most of them are extremely silly and surreal, and they’re very fun to watch, and the art itself is fantastic.

The best thing about them, however, is introducing story into rhythm games, and the consequence that goes with it. The idea behind Elite Beat Agents is stupid, but really fun: You are a part of a secret government agency (the titular agents) that is deployed whenever someone really needs help. You arrive on the scene, generally in a dramatic fashion alongside your two backup dancers, and dance to some rockin’ music until the target’s problems are solved. The consequences of losing are much higher than, say, Guitar Hero. Losing a song there means the lead singer shaking his head at you AGAIN, losing a song here means that adorable puppy never makes it home to his owner, or any number of other scenarios.

One thing I must say about this game is that it is hard. This is the hardest (good) rhythm game I have ever played. “Free Bird” on expert has nothing on the insane precision required to best some of the songs on the hardest difficulty here. The main difference is that Elite Beat Agents, like DDR and Samba de Amigo before it, measures exactly how close you were to the beat. A perfect hit will net a 300, while one pretty close but off-beat will give you 100 or 50. On the highest difficulty, you pretty much have to be perfect at it. This is a stark contrast to Guitar Hero, which is mainly concerned at making you feel like a rocker rather than the exact precision of your strumming.

A few items of note. One: It is hard to play Elite Beat Agents with just the DS’s speakers. I find I perform much better with my DS on a pair of good headphones or plugged into a set of computer speakers or the line in jack on my stereo. Of course, it is both impossible and pointless to attempt to play this game with the volume down. In-class DS players, be warned. Two: Elite Beat Agents is a fast paced game that rewards extreme precision with the stylus. It is at the very least impractical to play in the car or on the bus. Paradoxically, it is almost a handheld game in name only, and is best experienced with the volume on your stereo up while on the couch.

However, the game is good enough to overcome these restrictions. I have no issue with the gameplay itself, however unforgiving it may be. Play it.

Here are two Wii games, both by Activision, who get Wii controls perfectly right and perfectly wrong. This can even occur in the same game. It’s fascinating to look at this in what is the Wii’s formative period, as developers that are not Nintendo, and even Nintendo itself, figure out how to wring the best performance out of the little console’s scary new controls. (The same thing happened with the DS.)

The two games, “Marvel: Ultimate Alliance” and “Call of Duty 3″ are both essentially their Gamecube versions with Wii controls strapped to the top, like many Wii games today.

“Marvel” is a top-down Gauntlet-esque game that continues the “X-men Legends” line of games, only now with all kinds of Marvel characters. The standard controls are nothing special, but they get the job done and don’t get in the way. Let me make this clear – this game is all about pushing buttons. Pushing buttons a lot. This is, spiritually, Diablo with superheroes and on a console. It’s great fun with a couple friends – a spiritual successor to old school co-op arcade beat-’em-ups.

On the Wii, though, the controls are all motion-based. So, every time you need to do a basic punch, you have to move your wrist. Anything. This game is far too combat-intensive for this. Your arm is tired in five minutes. Additionally, ridiculously precise motions are required to do special moves.

This is an example of why Wii controls cannot be adapted to certain game designs created with standard controllers in mind. Developers and publishers of certain titles will need to realize that they pretty much cannot be adapted to motion control. The Gamecube controller and the classic controller exist, and developers will need to learn to require them, or at the least, allow their use so Wii owners who encounter terrible motion controls can at least run back to what they know works.

Not all games have terrible controls, however. Activision’s own Call of Duty 3 is slightly flawed due to its relatively uninspired single player and lack of multiplayer. It’s a decent game, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nothing special, aside from the controls, which adapt extremely well.

Obviously, the Wii’s remote is used to aim by pointing at the screen. Various other motions are mapped to the remote and the nunchuck. My favorite would have to be tilting the remote to lean around corners. It feels so right.

I have a few issues with the controls. One is the silly motion scripted fights that have me pumping the remote and nunchuck asynchronously to fight off a Nazi. They’re just tiring and don’t really work. Essentially, the motion control equivalent of button mashing. The driving controls also leave a bit to be desired, but they’re a rather tiny portion of the whole game.

Overall, though, these are two examples that should caution developers. You don’t have to make everything in the game motion based, and if the motion controls you develop suck, don’t be afraid to ditch them. We’ll all thank you in the end.

Wii Sports was, at least for me, unexpectedly great. I was expecting a cool tech demo, and that’s what some of it was (boxing), but tennis and bowling are really great, and golf is good, but needs more holes.

Nintendo has followed Wii Sports with another Wii remote-focused anthology, this time under the moniker Wii Play. It is a collection of 12 minigames. I’ll review them individually. Many of them suck. All of them are utterly simplistic, but on a better note, all of them are two-player enabled. It is worth noting that Wii Play comes with a Wii remote for its $50 price. This is important, because the game could not stand alone. It hardly even stands for $10.

Ping Pong. Wii Sports Tennis, only somehow more simplistic. It’s like Pong– essentially pointing your remote to move a paddle in the way of an incoming ball. No swinging motion required. Verdict: Crap.

Billiards. This is probably the highlight of the package for me. Though it is restricted to only a game of nine ball, it uses the Wii remote well and is pretty deep. Unfortunately, the scoring system is not the standard nine ball, but one where you get points based on the number of the ball you sink. You still have to sink them in order. Sinking the nine ball through a combination off of another ball does not end the game, so a lot of the strategy of nine ball is lost. Still, pretty fun. Verdict: Nice, but I want a real pool game.

Tanks! A clone of the Atari game Combat with the Wii remote. It’s simplistic, but any game where I get to attempt to blow up my friends is okay by me. Verdict: Fun.

Charge! Inexplicably pilot a cow using the Wii remote. Simple, stupid, but hilarious. Verdict: Amusing.

Fishing. An overgrown Mario Party minigame. Use the Wii remote in three dimensional space to catch fish for points. Verdict: Bleh.

Shooting Range. A gun based minigame that is sadly not Duck Hunt. Shoot at targets, ducks and UFOs for a high score. Fun reflex-based game that works well with the Wii remote, but not as much fun as the Wario Ware equivalent, which gets points for insanity. Verdict: Awesome, but not as awesome as Duck Hunt on the Virtual Console will be.

Laser Hockey. Another game kinda like Pong, but it’s drawn like psychedelic air hockey and the paddles twist with the remote as you point it. Better than ping pong. Verdict: Passably fun.

Find Mii. A game of differentiation. You have to find the odd Mii out in various ways. A nice diversion. It’s nice to see my Mii in more games, though. Verdict: Okay.

Pose Mii. Pose a Mii by pressing buttons and twisting and turning the remote. It’s amusing, but there’s no strategy at all. Verdict: Okay.

Overall, Wii Play is merely okay. It seems like these minigames could have been included in Wario Ware: Smooth Moves to strengthen that package, as has happened in past Wario Ware games. It’s alone, though, but bundled with a Wii remote, it becomes palatable.

Wii Play seems like a cheap attempt to fill in the game drought that follows every console launch. The Wii’s isn’t as bad as the PS3′s currently is or the DS’s was, but there’s not much to buy, just lots of pretty fun games you just want to rent. You might as well get Wii Play if you’re going to buy another remote anyway, but don’t expect anything deep.

Excite Truck is a racing game that very loosely draws inspiration from Nintendo’s own NES classic, Excitebike and its criminally underplayed N64 sequel. I say “loosely,” because, well, these are trucks, not motorcycles, and the scoring system is, shall we say, unique.

Excite Truck’s control scheme deserves mention, as it probably will end up as the blueprint for every racing game in the Wii’s future. Control of your most exciting of an array of generic trucks is accomplished through tiling the Wii remote, which is held horizontally like an NES controller. The 2 button is the gas, 1 is the brake, and any direction on the D-pad is the boost.

Ideally, for future racing games, we’d see an attachment similar to the gimmicky plastic steering wheel Ubi Soft released, only this one would actually plug into the Wii remote and feature analog triggers similar to the Xbox controller’s triggers. Brakes and gas with exactly two settings – on and off – is jarring after years of playing racing games with analog controls on the Xbox and Gamecube.

The tilting control, though bizarre at first, works well once you adjust to it. It’s extremely sensitive – most people tilt the controller way, way too much for the game, and thus drift all over the road. Excite Truck takes tilting to another degree and allows you to control exactly how your truck is positioned in the air. This controls how fast you fall, among other things, and I’d like to see a sequel to fully explore the idea – it’s very cool.

The scoring system, as I mentioned, is not the conventional ranking system that is pretty much omnipresent in racing games, even ones with trick systems like Excite Truck. Taking a page from Burnout and SSX, you have to do stunts to win, but in this case, rather than boost, you earn stars.

Stunts include tree runs, or not hitting a tree but coming close a lot, smashing opponents, big jumps, spins, and perfect landings. The truck with the most stars wins. Getting first is not an entirely pointless endeavor, though, as the rank comes with a substantial star bonus. It’s a weird system, but it works pretty well.

Excite Truck’s Achilles heel is the mutliplayer – it’s almost non-existent. You get a basic versus mode, with no options. Worse, it’s only two players. If this game had four player support, it might be a must-have. As it is, it’s merely pretty good. Buy it for less than $30, or rent it and enjoy it for a bit.

I triumphantly returned home from Gamestop Sunday morning, carrying my wonderful new Nintendo Wii. Yes, after waiting in line for 10 minutes and hearing the giant dork in front of me fail miserably at making small talk with the people in front of him, the Gamestop girl, and just about everyone there, I received my system, “Wii Sports,” and “The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.” The latter will have to wait, however, as I haven’t had nearly enough time to get into that. “Wii Sports” and the system, however, are fair game.
Normally, a game console would not necessitate an entire review, or even half of one, but the Wii has a fair amount of functionality built into its hardware beyond simply memory card management. Various functionalities are organized into channels like the Disc Channel, for playing games, and the Photo Channel, used to view and edit photos on SD memory cards. Other minor channels are the Message Board, where you can post things locally and send messages online, and the address book, which manages your contacts in the Wii’s network, WiiConnect24.
The big feature is the Mii Channel. This allows Wii owners and their friends to create digital alter egos called Miis. Miis are hyper-cartoony super-simplistic polygon people that can be made to look like you, or anyone else. What this boils down to is a free, system-level create a character editor. Creating silly digital avatars of your friends is a blast, and a great way for people to get used to using the Wii remote. You can also send them to your friends over the Wii’s network.
Another big feature is the Wii Shop, where you can buy classic games from the NES, SNES, N64, and Sega Genesis. Eight-bit games are $5, 16-bit games are $8, and N64 titles are $10. You buy a set number of Wii points ($10 = 1000 points) and head off to the store. The selection right now is pretty limited, with “Super Mario 64” and the original “Legend of Zelda” being the really big names, but Nintendo says they plan to add new games every Monday. The emulation used to play the games seems to work well, and it autosaves your place when you exit the game, even if you aren’t at a save point in the game itself.
The unique feature of the Wii’s network is that it’s always online and checking for new messages or other items of interest. It seems to connect every few minutes, whether the system is on or off, and see if there are new messages. If the system is on, a tone plays, and if it is off, the disc drive becomes lit by blue LEDs to call attention to itself.
I do have a few problems with the Wii’s whole online experience right now. I don’t know if they are the fault of my router, Nintendo’s servers being hammered, or buggy software, but the experience has thusfar been very hit-and-miss. Sometimes I can connect, sometimes it doesn’t work. Sometimes I get messages from people I exchange system codes with immediately, sometimes they just don’t come. Sometimes the Wii Shop is fast, sometimes it’s really slow, and sometimes it freezes up while loading. These problems are exacerbated by the fact that it is not possible to tell whether or not the Wii is online aside from attempting to log into the Shop Channel. I hope these problems get resolved sooner rather than later through whatever firmware updates and server-side changes needed, but right now, things feel a bit unfinished.
However, the real question of any Wii review is “How does the controller work?” The answer: Pretty damn well. “Wii Sports” makes for an excellent demo game to, well, just about anyone.
Bowling is probably the best “Wii Sports” game. It feels very much like you’re actually bowling. You grab the remote, and pretty much pantomime bowling with it. (Just don’t let go.) It feels remarkably similar to the actual game. The way you twist your hand while you release the B button to release the ball actually puts spin on it.
Tennis is a close second. I really can’t say much about how you control it. Your character moves near the ball automatically, and you swing. Coming up from below results in a lob, head on is a straight shot, and you can do a sort of “spike” by coming from below.
Golf is also fantastic, though it is much more daunting than the rest of the Wii Sports fare. It simplifies the game of golf as far down as it can go, but it is still difficult to pick up and play easily. Obviously, it involves miming a golf swing, but you can’t just swing it as fast as possible, you have to learn how to control yourself and hit it just so. Wind and terrain must also be taken into account. Unfortunately, there’s only nine holes and four clubs. It’s hard, but the potential is fantastic, and it makes me want a real, full-featured golf game to come out.
Baseball is a mild disappointment. For the sake of simplicity, the game is reduced to pitching and batting. Controls here are obvious. Batting involves swinging the remote, and pitching acting like you’re tossing it. You can throw special pitches like curveballs by holding down a button as you pitch. The rest is automatic, including catching the ball and running bases. It’s still fun to trade off pitching and catching with a buddy, but this is definitely the “Wii Sports” title farthest away from being an entire game.
Boxing is the only truly bad part of “Wii Sports.” It is also the only title that uses the nunchuck attachment. Grab a remote in one hand and the nunchuck in the other and act like you’re beating the crap out of your friend next to you. Unfortunately, the remote fails here. It’s really hard to tell what’s going on, and to dodge blows by darting out of the way. These pretty much devolve into whatever the motion-sensing equivalent of button-mashing is called.
Overall, though, the Wii shows great promise. I haven’t cracked open “Zelda” yet, but “Wii Sports” is a pretty good single-player title and a fantastic multiplayer game. I can see many hours being wasted on it with my friends, and I look forward to getting normally game-phobic people to try it out.